Sunday, December 29, 2013

If I had to write...

Today I feel a little empty of ideas. I have walked the dogs, usually something I do after I write, but today I need a little inspiration. As I walked, I thought about something I heard at a service for those who had died in the last year. The multi-faith minister or pastor said, "God is the first to shed a tear." This was in the context of learning of death. In that moment I realized I held the belief that the things that happen are because of God's will. I was so taken aback, I wrote a note to myself while still at the event to remember to reflect on this statement.

As a person who has shelves full of self help books ranging from Wayne Dyer's, Your Erroneous Zones to Pandit Rajmani Tigunait's, Touched By Fire. All of these sources allude to there being a bigger force at work and we are all a part of it. This has always been inline with my thinking. I recall my first Facebook profile religious description being, "there is a little God in all of us."

Ironically as I reflected on this idea that God is not the creator of our destiny, that I am the creator of my destiny, I realized I really believe that is I am "good" and "pure" God will reward me. In my darkest moments I recall crying out to God, what have I done to deserve this? As if somehow God was punishing me for some infraction. God wasn't punishing me; I made a choice somewhere along that way that led to other choices that led me to where I am. And if I get really honest, usually those choices were made from a place of fear.

I am so glad to now at least see that in every moment, I have a choice and that the choice of today will lead to the choices the will shape my tomorrow. And in my heart, I know it is not whether I am "good" or "bad" that makes the difference; rather it is whether I am fearful or feeling brave. There is always compassion for fearfulness.

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