Tuesday, January 29, 2013


Tonight I read, 'our energy follows our awareness.' This is a paraphrase from Living Tantra, a lecture series by Panditji Tiguait Rajamani.

I get it... When my awareness is on what is wrong, my energy becomes all about what is wrong and follows that wave of thinking. So to change it, I need to look for the joy and love around me and place my attention there. Seems simple enough. But I notice the habit of my mind wanting to return to the complaints. More over, I recognize that what my mind continually does in response to the negative thoughts is to defend me, my ego self. Funny, because really that means my awareness is always on what others think of me and making sure they approve. Hmmm, that's a bigger change then just looking at the good things around me.

Who am I if I am none of the roles or accomplishments? Can I believe I am worth loving, and my love has value if I have absolutely nothing else to offer?

Mother Teresa said, 'there are no great acts, only small acts of great love.' This must be what she means. Our value is inherent, our intention to love is what makes the act great. And really then, none of it can change ones inherent worthiness.

The great love a parent offers a child, willing to sacrifice time, money, and ones own identity in many ways is an amazing taste of this. The countless hockey games, practices, the lunches, the snacks, the homework, the laundry... Just things parents do. You become a parent and you realize how much effort it takes, how much time it consumes and how it just doesn't seem to end. There's no, 'I sent my project' moment. I've climbed full time and being a parent is definitely harder. I'ld say it's more like running a gym or cleaning new routes at a crag.

And yet any act with great love is special. That's the key. The great love part. It's important if that energy following awareness is energy of great love or not.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Idle no more

So... this is not about the movement that is interrupting traffic in Windsor, Ontario. This is the idleness in Sambro Head. I am a busy woman. I am a single parent, Yoga teacher and a Recreation Coordinator, and this week that has meant a week of Yoga teaching, caring for a child with a cold, and trying to get my job of coordinating done. I feel I am doing all of it with very little success. So I hide myself in yet another read that promises to help me overcome my life and save myself from me.

Stephen Cope's new book, "The Great Work of Your Life; A Guide to the Journey of Your True Calling," is another book about dharma... your life's purpose. This was also in fact the topic of the Yoga weekend. I know my dharma; I have worked through this process with Rod Stryker and his work in the book "The Four Desires."

I live my dharma in many areas of my life. And yet, sometimes my life feels like a struggle. Comparing myself to the amazing examples Cope discusses, Susan B Anthony and her intensity to gain the vote for women, Thoreau's creating the perfect environment for himself to write; I cannot wonder... did they ever feel this sense of struggle? I remember when I was writing my book. I created a schedule and a routine around writing. I stopped pursuing other things and focused all of my attention to the task. I wrote, even when it felt like a focus. I was creating the conditions that supported writing and that is why when the book was published it felt so great. I was fully committed to it. And life still had moments of struggle. It was no different with climbing hard projects. The focus required, creating the conditions that allowed me to climb my best and the effort. And I even understand how important it is to let go of the outcome of the attempt, in order to be my best.

I think dharma is something I live by choice and by continually choosing I mitigate the struggle little by little. It doesn't happen all at once or forever. It really only happens in spurts which I hope get longer and more expansive. And I do believe the key is the recognition that I care about something so much, I am willing to do all of what it takes to make it happen. I care about my son and his best life. I care about becoming more aware of my true Self and sharing that. So I guess as long as I always choose that, I may still face struggle, but at least I will know my heart and that will make it all meaningful.