Yesterday I attended three sports and, other than tossing a ball, the only sport I participated in was the sport of relationship. Lacrosse was an opportunity to connect to my son, taking an interest in his interests. Football gave me an opportunity to connect to Dalhousie peers. At the climbing wall, I tried to re-connected with climbers; friends. This morning as I awoke and found myself at the games; again sparring and defending myself to these 'climbers'. Wait.... why do I need to defend myself? I may have connected with them as friends, though perhaps not as climbers. I also realized something else... A large part of relationship is what they feel, not just what I feel.
The support these climbers want from me is not the support I have offered. Maybe what these climbers really want from me is acceptance and affirmation. The only way for me to give them that is to hear what that means to them. Indirectly, my choice to not place my own climbing as high on the list as many other responsibilities in my life can be interpreted as elite level climbing is not important. That is why they want me to climb - to reaffirm their own idea that living climbing is important.
My teacher has been shaping my understanding that real fulfillment is not about getting affirmation from outside of myself; it is acting from the solid foundation of my heart. I used to get a short high from a big send (success in climbing). But then there was always just another route to do. The greatest sense of fulfillment came from teaching someone else how to succeed. In this community of climbers, only some want that from me. These friends don't need me to climb hard and probably don't feel I have much to offer them. So I have difficulty feeling purposeful with them.
As Yogarupa says.... "Meet people where they are, then you can take them for a ride." I guess I need to find a new way to meet these climbers. And a new way to serve them. And I need to let them go.
No comments:
Post a Comment