A little non doing

In a recent attempt to let go of a bad habit, I realized something about this habit. I indulged in the routine of this vice because in doing so there was a little part of me giving permission to no longer be responsible. The reward of the habit was an escape, a moment of peace. Now the joke is, I wasn't really craving the vice, I was craving the feeling of not being the one who had to keep doing, who had to be responsible. BUT I would indulge in the vice and yet still be responsible. That led to frustration and resentment. Disappointment.

Reading this book, "The Power of the Habit," I am beginning to understand a couple of things... recognizing the reward is important. Recognizing the cue, the desire that sparks the craving for the vice is a part of the process and then to find another way to satisfy the reward. This is going to be tough. What do you do when you want to feel like you don't have to be responsible. The very nature of trying to change this habit is a responsibility I am placing on myself.

The book states it, my teacher has said it.... I must cultivate will.
My solution... I will start with something a little more manageable. I will measure and record my success and build on my success, which in turn will build on my will.

Time to do nothing.