Relationships within ourselves

All my decisions are a reflection of my relationship with myself, whether that is consciously understood and seen by me or not. I think this is true for everyone. Yesterday, I had a conversation with a friend who was telling me I was undervaluing myself by offering a movement clinic where the fee was only fifteen dollars. There was a time when I did movement clinics for groups for free in order to build a name for myself. And there was also a time when my rate for a private session was a hundred an hour.

So why did I decide to charge so little? My relationship with myself when it comes to climbing is disconnected. Funny since I run a climbing gym. But I have watched climbing change and as the ability of climbers has continued to get more advanced, the pattern of movement in bouldering has become more dynamic. Back in the day... when I started climbing, I was a trad climber. The rule was you don't fall. Then I progressed to route climbing and discovered you could fall, but I still didn't like the idea. So I learned how to make big moves while staying in balance throughout most of the movement. This served me well when I discovered bouldering. I knew how to climb tall even though I was short and I was strong through my core.

Now people like to swing to holds and move completely out of balance and then reel themselves back in. That doesn't appeal to me. People like to climb boulder problems that are 20 feet tall. That doesn't appeal to me. People like to climb at night with headlamps. That doesn't appeal to me. And so I have not found a climbing partner that shares my love of grace in movement and I have stayed home. I haven't climbed much. Unless I go to visit my friends in Colorado who don't dyne for things.

In this photo - first climbing post delivering Fynn, my left leg is dropping - I didn't do the move. Understanding that is the kind of thing I love about climbing... and yoga.

I gave up on connecting to people who share climbing and therefore, I gave up on my climbing. Oh... I haven't forgotten how to move gracefully, nor any of the safety related issues or how to set routes, but I gave up believing that anyone cared about that. And that ended my relationship. Funny thing is that it shouldn't. I have never climbed for anyone else before. I have walked away from sponsors because they didn't share my values about the joy of movement. And yet I walked away from that joy because I did not have anyone to share it with. Except myself.

Time to share my joy with myself. See you out there. ;)