Saturday, December 18, 2010

Greatness & Joy


I remember being about 9 yrs old and building a raft with construction materials my Dad had discarded. A little foam insulation, a palette, a paddle made from end cuts of two by four. Then I would proudly launch this raft onto the lake behind our house and I was off. The adventure would end with a half sunken raft, floating debris, a broken paddle and a petrified and angry father shouting at me not to be so stupid.

This message to play it safe reiterated with countless raft-like stunts through my youth taught me well. As I grew, I learned not to trust myself. I didn't stop having adventures, I just put the trust in someone else. Then all those eggs broke and I was alone and very afraid. I wished things were different. But all that wishing was just my fear of not being great, or even just good enough.

Realizing this, brings real joy. Not the joy of presents on Christmas morning, rather the joy of looking into the eyes of a newborn and seeing only love. It was not whether the raft floated that made me feel special or happy, it was believing that I could do it. Today I sometimes still lose my paddle, but at least I believe that, for me, nothing is impossible. I believe in my own greatness.

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