This morning as I sat to meditate I became overwhelmed with the feelings of confusion and hurt I too had experienced the last time my heart was broken. I recall that feeling of loss, but it is so much more than that. It is also a sense of loss of one's own self. When my heart was last broken, I did not know fully who I was anymore. I felt that perhaps there was something wrong or flawed with me. After all this person had loved me once.
Then I recalled the words of Byron Katie, "no one can leave you." Her point is not that people do not physically leave us, but rather we can always choose to keep them in our heart and our thoughts. Similarly, no one can tell me that I am not beautiful unless I believe what they are saying is true. So the work is always with our own choice in thoughts.
And if we truly understand to love to be connecting to the essence in our own heart, then we never have to stop loving someone. The nature of our relationship may change, my ex is now remarried and happily living in Colorado, but I can still love him and have the co-parenting relationship that I value so much. In many ways, this arrangement is way better for me ;)
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