Fearful living

Every loving thought is true.

Today I received news that someone I am counting on, may not be there when I need them to be there. The thoughts are not loving ones. If only the loving ones are true and everything else is is a cry for help, what is the cry for help about? I trust this person, no, I expect this person to take on the responsibility they said they wanted. I expect them to fully participate. Now they are indicating a desire not to. I feel betrayed. But really it is not about me. He is not doing this because of me in anyway. He is just following what is important to him and clearly this other potential is more important to him than the commitments he has made.

My mind screams in argument, throwing around words like integrity and loyalty, participation. And there is some quiet part responding with words like, this is his best and he is not you.

Ahhh... as I paused to sip coffee, another thought arose...'this doesn't mean you are responsible to make it up for him.' Yes. That is what I am really angry about. I feel like it is my job to fix it for him. And I am angry because I already fixed it for me so I could go away and take care of me. Now he will no longer be there to take care of what I take care of. He is letting me down. But not me... he is letting down the other instructors, the parents, the kids, and the other employees. It is not my responsibility to be there instead. It is a choice I can make. I can choose to follow through on my plans or I can choose to be there. That choice has to be made by what I feel is right FOR ME in my heart. I can choose to fix this for him, or I can choose to ask him to take responsibility for it. And know he may choose not to.