Arena of life

I see the disappointment on the faces, one has his face in his jersey, another with head down and eyes looking to the floor. Still others are complaining, citing the litany of mistakes and unfair action. I just want to fix it. I look at all of them and say - "What an great game you guys played! What is your apple? Fynn tell me what is your apple?" There is confusion and some curiosity. Then the Dad's, the male coaches come in and the moment is lost.

The coach speaks and the boys heads pop up and their eyes gravitate to him. They look to them in a hopeful way. They are rewarded with acclaim and positive feedback. It counts. These little men, eat it up. It matters to them and they feel better.

What is this guy thing? Why do little boys look for affirmation from men? Why do they need to compete in physical prowess? They don't just go down a slide, they find a more dangerous way to go down a slide. Perhaps the physical power of their body is the way they relate to each other and themselves. Ahhhh... maybe it is because boys like to know where they stand in their boyness. Just as all humans like to know where they stand in their humanness.

So we are all just trying to define where we fit in this arena of life. We are trying to stake our claim and get a sense of who we are. And who we are not. Yet change the teams and usually that personal sense of who one is changes. We struggle constantly with this need to know, and yet we are each like a chameleon, constantly adapting to what we know now.

This is helpful. Input is processed to determine where I stand with that person, in this arena. I write these words to ensure I am understood by others. I look for comments and relate them to my own beliefs. But can I write for me, from my heart and not step into the arena? Can I remain constant, rooted in the spirit of my own heart allowing others to swirl in reaction, accepting all of it as helpful in seeing myself and others clearly?