Vulnerable connections

The day ahead a little structure but not much. Opportunity came in the form of time with friends , fellow Yogis. As we sat in this space where there were mats and room to move. I craved moving. I longed to suggest that we practice. I talked about wanting to practice. 

Eventually, one by one, they began to practice. I watched. I hesitated. Now it would look like I was copying them. I hesitated. Finally, I asked one person to share an experience with me - I wanted to see if I could help her fly. It eventually lead to my own flying experience. As I came though the air and eventually to my own feet, my heart raced, my head dizzy, the world seemed upside down.

I have watched these ladies do this for months. I have wanted to do this for months.
Why could I not say what I wanted months ago and that very morning? Why was I afraid to own my own desire?
This came back to me:

Once upon a time you took shelter against real or imagined storms. Eventually the tempests passed, but to hedge against future turmoil you fortified yourself, silently holding fast to the haven you built. Just like that, what was once protection becomes your ball and chain. To break your chains you’ll need to see that there was no “I” to protect and that the only real refuge is the Boundless. ~ Rod Stryker

Trying to protect the "I" from rejection and unsatisfied desire. 

Flying taught me that without out asking for what I want, I cannot receive all the love and support from the strong foundation of others. In silence, I reject the opportunity to connect with my own inner spark and theirs.

As it comes time to post -- I am questioning whether this text is good enough. Thinking about choosing silence. But it is time to emerge from the haven.