It never ceases to amaze me the power one little phrase or a few words can have. I was listening to Panditji from the Himalayan Institute talk about creating the environment for practice (meditation) and mixed in with many other quickly recited instructions was the comment, "have faith in your effort."
I found myself scrolling back the talk to hear it again. Faith in your effort. Such a powerful thought for me. This little comment gave me a big huge space to see that I try so hard because I actually lack faith in my effort. While Fynn was with his Dad, I had a check list of things to do. I focused on getting homework questions answered correctly, not on faith that my understanding was sufficient and woudl be revealed in my answers. I didn't focus on the intention to offer a small token of my love to people I was shopping for, rather, I was focused on getting gifts for everyone on my list and to keep it within a budget. I didn't focus on relaxing and taking care of myself in this brief relief from parenting, I realized I was focused on being productive and filling time with something with an outcome like a puzzle and fixing the trim in the house.
I have not planned any resolutions for 2013, but I have established a resolve. A resolve to have faith in my effort. To approach the things my heart tells me to do with the resolve to have faith in my effort. I feel happier and more fulfilled, relaxed. I haven't stopped doing, just changed the focus from the outcome to being in the process of doing.