Sunday, September 26, 2010

Caught up in the heat...

Sleepless, I am caught. Tossing & turning, caught in building a story that may never come to pass. I feel all the beauty and joy of a future of adventure and intimacy, passion and deep love. The story becomes rehearsed in my mind, the characters more real, the experiences moving my heart - I lose touch with what really is true. Woman, lying in bed, sleepless.

The seed of the expectation is planted and nurtured, growing ever stronger as I continue to hold more and more tightly to the dream. The story is filled in and the characters begin to take shape. They are strong and loving, there is no room for weak or unloving. I am smiling and happy; never unhappy or discontent. The shadows are filled in, obscuring any other aspects of the characters. I am blind to any other truth, seeing only what I want to see. Muddying reality.

It is a beautiful dream, but just a dream. What is real? I had a beautiful afternoon, laughed a lot. That has past. Right now, I am a sleepy woman typing on a computer. I am in my home with my dog, cat and child. Alone. I have no idea what will happen in the future. Can approach the future with this not knowing? No dreams, expectations or beliefs. I guess I'll try... but man it was a beautiful dream and the sex... hot!

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