Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Good, Bad, Ugly

This was not a good day... or was it?!?

The weather has been wintery, not the weather of spring. The sun has been elusive for awhile and I am anxious to get outside. I repeatedly think the thought, "when it warms up I will stop watching TV and snacking." And then I feel guilty and self critical for watching TV and snacking as the wind howls and the rain pounds on the glass. This period of darkness, of resistance and negativity though reminds me that the sun will come. It has to. That is the cycle and all things continue to change. The sun will arrive, we will have some form of summer... eventually. Yet during this time of focus on what I don't want, there is no room to feel what I do.

Having an opinion, a decided idea, prevents me from further questioning. It keeps me attached to MY idea. Right now I am unhappy because I have a very strong idea that it should not be snowing and freezing rain on the first day of April. But if I let me mind consider the idea that maybe there is some benefit to this weather this late in the season. Maybe we will have a very short black fly season. Or perhaps there will be less fog this summer. Maybe the cold weather is creating the opportunity for me to empty my wood shed so I can expand it and fix it this summer. Maybe it is just weakening the roots so the next hurricane will take out that larger firs that are growing up into my view. Maybe, or maybe not.

The point is, I don't really know if this weather is a good or a bad thing. And as long as I hold onto my idea that this weather should not be happening, I am unhappy. Questioning it... questioning whether there is good to come from yet another snowstorm softens my grip and lets a little light of possibility to shine, my heart opens and then the love that hides in shadow of resistance can come out.

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