Thursday, June 24, 2010

Where is the love?

The clock did not start as the ball moved through the scramble of legs and sticks. The score board was off by 33 points. One child limps to the bench after two sticks slashed across his bruised knee. Parents are screaming - yelling at kids to try harder. Yelling at refs for missing calls. Screaming about the timers. I can feel my own anger bubbling up. I see the confusion and disappointment,... no fear on the faces of the team. They are just nine yr old boys trying to play a game.

Why did it stop being fun?

No one's expectations are being met. Games have expectations around the way they should be played, clocks start when the play starts. refs call penalties when they are supposed to be called. The object is the ball, not taking players out. Parents will love you no matter what.

We lost 7:6 with the opposing team scoring a final goal in the last second of the game. We played a player short for over 12 min of the 45 min game. The boys played their best, they tried hard and yet no one had fun and no one felt like celebrating.

My whole life feels like that at times - like now. I have played my heart out and yet things haven't seemed to be good enough. I guess the question is - What am I using to measure success - the wins or the quality of my game? How much fun I'm having or how much I've grown and learned?

Yesterday I instructed High Five training. The WHY behind High Five - relationship. It is a program centered on offering a relationship centered approach as a teacher of young children. Am I living my life as a relationship-centered friend, mother, daughter, niece, cousin, employee, employer, teacher, co-parent?

The world does not appear to be relationship-centered. What else could explain our wars, over use of our resources? We celebrate the winners when they win, but not the losers. It feels lonely to lose.

We win so people will take the time to smile at us and bask in our light - even if they really only do it because they believe it gives them some validation. Maybe everyone is just playing as hard as they can. Maybe everyone is lonely and we strive to win in order to shield ourselves from the loneliness.

If ever there was a reason to march to my own drum, there it is.

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