Duty

My duty these days seems to be juggling the many desires of many people around the months of July and August. People who want to work, people who don't. Kids who want to climb and kids who don't. Parents who want to pay and those who don't. Youth who want to help and those who don't. Yesterday I struggled all day with trying to feel compassion, to create space for their stories. Perhaps not very successfully. Perhaps I should feel honoured they want to share their story, they feel they can explain themselves to me. Perhaps it means they feel supported and accepted by me; they feel I am a compassionate person.

Is that my soul's desire to run around fixing things; coordinating things? I certainly feel unhappy when I can't. As a kid, I always wanted to take things apart to see how they worked and 'fix' them when they didn't. I always wanted to build rafts and set sail on the lake to explore the other side. My sister and I wanted bunk beds so I made them with the tools and wood we found at home. I took apart the TV when the reception wasn't great - to see if I could fix it. I took apart Mrs. Beazley to see what made her talk.

So perhaps not to fix things, rather to understand how things work and use that knowledge to launch myself in some new adventure or direction. It explains the continual remodelling and furniture building I do at home. So this time at work, trying to coordinate the chaos is not really my duty. Unless... I can find a new way to understand those instructors in my care and use that understanding to get them working better together and with the youth.

Today I will say what I need. I will ask each of them to say what they need to the person they are working with and to me. Then maybe I will better understand who should work with whom and which youth.