Agni - the fire of self knowledge

When I settle into locust, each breath lifting my chest higher and each exhale grounding my belly on the mat. It doesn't feel uplifting and beautiful. I do not see the beauty and joy in my practice. I am generally having a negotiation with myself about just how long I will endure this discomfort.

This discomfort is what we Yoga teachers call tapas... inner heat. It's not the "sweating" that happens after ten minutes on the treadmill. It is as much a discomfort of the mind as discomfort in the body. The internal dialogue that heats up and I begin to bring on the ego in fullest splendour. The ego must not lose this battle. Ego begins to judge and argue. In my mind there is criticism that arises. Critical of the sequence, the teacher, others in the room, and eventually it settles with myself. If there long enough. If the discomfort is sustained and I eventually let myself free from the struggle, tapas eventually leads to tejas.

Tejas is defined as splendour, light, fire, fierceness, beauty, majesty, clearness of the eyes. The eyes are the windows to the soul. Tejas is your inner light, your fire, the beauty and majesty that is you... the you that is not the physical body. It is the clear seeing of oneself. This is why I practice. This clear seeing helps me to see clearly the choices I want to make, see clearly the love in my own heart.

So why do you practice?