Layers upon layers

What started as a simple call turned into a dark drama.
Anger tore through me. "How dare he! This is not right!" Fortunately, alone, I just let this dialogue of my mind swirl.
Then another layer of mind interferes. "But wait, don't I believe that I am not these thoughts?"
Deeper still, the thought arises, "I remember this feeling. This is just like when that person behaved this same way." A feeling of being out of control erupted.
There was some deeper layer holding me back from fully giving in to this. There was some layer of curiosity about what was true.
Then from my heart sprung the words - "This is fear."
In that moment of recognition the emotion transformed from intense anger and confusion to fear and sadness.
I could still sense a subtle exploration for a truth. Then a thought whispered, "What someone else does isn't about you. It's about them and their own pain."
In an instant I could see how I has been set up. I could see my own momentum that carried me into this. A dry quick meal, eaten in stages. A glass of wine drunk with the goal of relaxing, all the while continually moving. Waiting and rushing at the same time all day. No time for just sitting and connecting to my soul, the essence of that little girl in the picture my big sister Cathy had posted, holding her sisters hand and blocking sunshine from her eyes.
I could see I was reacting to a litany of memories that triggered these negative feelings which I attributed to defence about some lacking within me.
Even with this recognition the powerful habitual thinking that was taking me on this roller coaster ride was reminding me, "If you just committed to more practice. You should meditate more. You should do more asana practice." And there it was again, that habitual quiet voice critiquing me at every opportunity.

This time I smiled. I turned away from the story of memories, the thinking part that was trying to figure it out and the sensory stimuli that was still living in that past moment that had started this ride. I turned toward my own essence. I looked for that little girl within me. I looked for the force of life that draws breath into my body. My body softened. My face relaxed and I could feel a smooth softer breath come into my body.
"None of this is about me," she said.

The whole event was story steeped in memories of emotional response, that wrote a story about the event and who this Heather is to the rest of the world. And there backstage is this Divine little girl, quietly waiting her turn.