Confusion

In Yoga - family means the people you live with. The people in your life on an immediate basis. Sometimes I feel my family is very small. I am very alone. I am a parent raising a child on my own and I guess everyone sees me as so capable they do not realize I really feel overwhelmed with what I am doing. To 'do' parenting and my job, I have stopped taking time to just be. My Yoga Intensives are trips back to just being me.

Maybe it has nothing to do with being a single parent. Maybe most people feel this way. Maybe most folks are so busy doing, they cannot imagine just sitting and being. As I worry over who may help me with dog sitting, and if only it could not cost a lot, I realize for anyone else it would just be one more 'doing' taking them away from their own being.

If I could just remember that being is what it is really all about all the time, especially when I am thinking about the desire for more charms on my bracelet, or even one more Yoga Intensive. If I could also just remember not to take a 'no' personally. It's only about me, when I am rejecting myself.

The fear of someone saying no or the expense of dog sitting is me rejecting my own resourcefulness. I have never yet had to cancel a trip because I did not have a dog sitter. I have never yet gone hungry. And that says a lot coming from a chick who left NS in a truck with her boyfriend 11 yrs younger than herself, with a cracked head gasket driving to Colorado in winter with credit card debt, student loans, $200 cash, 2 boxes of Power Bars and a dream.

I believed in a dream, a partnership and OUR potential. Clearly he is my ex because I need to believe in MY potential.