If the shoe fits...

What do you think... any of these apply to me?

extroverted, theoretical, logical, spontaneous, rational, innovative, intellectual, open, independent, curious, enterprising, analytical, clever, enthusiastic, venturesome, inventive, energetic sociable, optimistic, non-conformist, creative, freedom-loving, charming, able to get enthusiastic, self-confident, communicative, capricious, inconsistent, outgoing

Patience

The other night I was speaking with my Guru over the phone. He noted that one of the most important elements of practice is patience. I have been working with a particular practice for five years and in response to just wanting to finally put my thoughts on paper I had written, "All I really want is...." my own impatience for this process.

I notice this same impatience with group classes. As I guide people through chaturanga (lowering plank), they cannot wait to move into up dog and then down dog. I don't know if they even realize they are rushing the movement. Or are they just so certain of where we are going, they get there. Because of my own nature, I will then try to change the end, to keep them curious, less certain.

Funny...I can understand so very poignantly the desire to be certain. And yet I know inherently that the real practice of Yoga is a practice of continual curiosity. And that is what I love about it. Letting the mind rest while one just experiences the movement is the mind body connection we hear so much about. It is freedom.

Try it... let me know if you agree.

Photo: Yogarupa Rod Stryker in Upward facing Dog.

Striking the right Balance

When I was growing up, I was often told to remember the Golden Rule. It seems like such a simple directive, but it can be so very complicated in delivery. In my homeland, there is currently dissension between the nurses who want guaranteed nurse to patient ratios, and our Government who are trying to balance a budget and in fact have shown a deficit budget without any change to funding for health care.

So who is right? And better question - who is happy?

The nurses argue that they are overworked and that patient safety is at risk. I think we would all agree that we would like the best possible care should we be in need of health care services from our nurses. I know we would all agree that we would not want to be overworked and overstressed in our jobs. If we were to do unto the nurses as we would like have done for us, we would agree to implementing these ratios.

On the other hand, the government is trying to balance a budget. More money in health care means we will all be eventually paying more in taxes. I am quite certain that with the highest tax rates in Canada, none of us want more tax burden. If they juggle the funds, then we need to do without another service - what service? What are we willing to give up for nurses to be less stressed and patient safety to be improved?

No matter who wins, there will be no winner. Should the nurses get their ratios, they will also get hit with the same tax increases or loss of programs or bigger deficit. Should the government win this fight, the patients will suffer with disgruntled and disengaged nurses who feel stressed and overworked.

The only way to truly find the win for everyone is to stop fighting and start trying to find a solution TOGETHER. That means being willing to admit ones own idea may not be the only or best one.

What I do know for sure is we will never be happy when we are at war with someone else, even if we are right.

Good, Bad, Ugly

This was not a good day... or was it?!?

The weather has been wintery, not the weather of spring. The sun has been elusive for awhile and I am anxious to get outside. I repeatedly think the thought, "when it warms up I will stop watching TV and snacking." And then I feel guilty and self critical for watching TV and snacking as the wind howls and the rain pounds on the glass. This period of darkness, of resistance and negativity though reminds me that the sun will come. It has to. That is the cycle and all things continue to change. The sun will arrive, we will have some form of summer... eventually. Yet during this time of focus on what I don't want, there is no room to feel what I do.

Having an opinion, a decided idea, prevents me from further questioning. It keeps me attached to MY idea. Right now I am unhappy because I have a very strong idea that it should not be snowing and freezing rain on the first day of April. But if I let me mind consider the idea that maybe there is some benefit to this weather this late in the season. Maybe we will have a very short black fly season. Or perhaps there will be less fog this summer. Maybe the cold weather is creating the opportunity for me to empty my wood shed so I can expand it and fix it this summer. Maybe it is just weakening the roots so the next hurricane will take out that larger firs that are growing up into my view. Maybe, or maybe not.

The point is, I don't really know if this weather is a good or a bad thing. And as long as I hold onto my idea that this weather should not be happening, I am unhappy. Questioning it... questioning whether there is good to come from yet another snowstorm softens my grip and lets a little light of possibility to shine, my heart opens and then the love that hides in shadow of resistance can come out.

Body - Breath - Mind

I stand in warrior three. Firmly planted on my right foot, the leg extended. My left leg reaching back behind me. Arms reaching forward. The standing leg tremors, my mind responds, "will I fall? Steady. Oh. I have overcompensated. No! Okay, I think I have it. Oh, no."
My thoughts are interrupted by the instructor cueing the breath, "smooth and steady."
That's when I notice I am not breathing.
We come out and I exhale in a sigh.

Sound familiar?!?

The body, mind and breath are all related. In Yoga we refer to these layers as the koshas. There is the physical kosha, anna maya kosha; within that sheath is a more subtle sheath relating to our living energy - the energy of fear or of love for example -called the prana maya kosha. The third sheath is the mano maya kosha, or the sheath of the mind. The thinking essence of ourself. We experience the world around us through the layers of emotion energy and our physical experience of the world.

In warrior three, I may arrive with physical tension from sitting at my desk all morning and having done my run on a treadmill the day before. I had that extra cup of coffee in the morning and hungry for my lunch. These things will influence my physical experience of the pose. I rush to class, knowing I have a full afternoon before me. Knowing that I will not stop until late tonight. This is the living energy I bring to the class; this energy of being hurried, continuing moving, not grounded and steady. The mind is thinking of the results. It is checking the things off the to do list. It is judging the experience. "Is this class giving me what I want? Am I being successful?" This is the mano maya kosha layer through which I am experiencing the class.

My overall experience depends on how I manage these layers. A restful sleep. A healthy meal that balances me. Ensuring time in my schedule. These elements will create a very different experience on the three levels I have just described. This is why Ayurveda is the sister science to Yoga. Ayurveda works with the physical, energetic and mental energies. Eating foods that stabilize and balance the elements of the body, oil massage that creates a more relaxed or enlivened experience based on what one would benefit the most, help to create the maximum benefit from asana practice.

The koshas don't end here. There are two more layers; the vijana maya kosha and the ananda maya kosha. When we can move through the first three we reach the layer of discrimination. This is the place of clear understanding. And finally the layer of bliss. That place of joy, ananda maya kosha. This is the real fruit of our practice. Being and experiencing our best self.

Relationships within ourselves

All my decisions are a reflection of my relationship with myself, whether that is consciously understood and seen by me or not. I think this is true for everyone. Yesterday, I had a conversation with a friend who was telling me I was undervaluing myself by offering a movement clinic where the fee was only fifteen dollars. There was a time when I did movement clinics for groups for free in order to build a name for myself. And there was also a time when my rate for a private session was a hundred an hour.

So why did I decide to charge so little? My relationship with myself when it comes to climbing is disconnected. Funny since I run a climbing gym. But I have watched climbing change and as the ability of climbers has continued to get more advanced, the pattern of movement in bouldering has become more dynamic. Back in the day... when I started climbing, I was a trad climber. The rule was you don't fall. Then I progressed to route climbing and discovered you could fall, but I still didn't like the idea. So I learned how to make big moves while staying in balance throughout most of the movement. This served me well when I discovered bouldering. I knew how to climb tall even though I was short and I was strong through my core.

Now people like to swing to holds and move completely out of balance and then reel themselves back in. That doesn't appeal to me. People like to climb boulder problems that are 20 feet tall. That doesn't appeal to me. People like to climb at night with headlamps. That doesn't appeal to me. And so I have not found a climbing partner that shares my love of grace in movement and I have stayed home. I haven't climbed much. Unless I go to visit my friends in Colorado who don't dyne for things.

In this photo - first climbing post delivering Fynn, my left leg is dropping - I didn't do the move. Understanding that is the kind of thing I love about climbing... and yoga.

I gave up on connecting to people who share climbing and therefore, I gave up on my climbing. Oh... I haven't forgotten how to move gracefully, nor any of the safety related issues or how to set routes, but I gave up believing that anyone cared about that. And that ended my relationship. Funny thing is that it shouldn't. I have never climbed for anyone else before. I have walked away from sponsors because they didn't share my values about the joy of movement. And yet I walked away from that joy because I did not have anyone to share it with. Except myself.

Time to share my joy with myself. See you out there. ;)

Agni - the fire of self knowledge

When I settle into locust, each breath lifting my chest higher and each exhale grounding my belly on the mat. It doesn't feel uplifting and beautiful. I do not see the beauty and joy in my practice. I am generally having a negotiation with myself about just how long I will endure this discomfort.

This discomfort is what we Yoga teachers call tapas... inner heat. It's not the "sweating" that happens after ten minutes on the treadmill. It is as much a discomfort of the mind as discomfort in the body. The internal dialogue that heats up and I begin to bring on the ego in fullest splendour. The ego must not lose this battle. Ego begins to judge and argue. In my mind there is criticism that arises. Critical of the sequence, the teacher, others in the room, and eventually it settles with myself. If there long enough. If the discomfort is sustained and I eventually let myself free from the struggle, tapas eventually leads to tejas.

Tejas is defined as splendour, light, fire, fierceness, beauty, majesty, clearness of the eyes. The eyes are the windows to the soul. Tejas is your inner light, your fire, the beauty and majesty that is you... the you that is not the physical body. It is the clear seeing of oneself. This is why I practice. This clear seeing helps me to see clearly the choices I want to make, see clearly the love in my own heart.

So why do you practice?