The house is quiet. With the exception of the ticking of the clock, reminding me to make my way to work, there is only stillness. A magical time to reflect inward. All of the stories are really just my perceptions of the way things are. An uncomfortable thought comes and more than the thought, I notice the feeling. It is a feeling of needing something, a feeling of lack, something missing. And yet, when I bring my awareness back to this moment, I am breathing. I am not hungry. I am comfortably warm and supported in my chair. I am not alone. So why a feeling of lack?
My voice is not being heard. I lack an audience. My purpose is to share with the world my truth. What truth? In this moment, it is the truth that we all want to be heard and yet with so many wanting to be heard, who is listening? Only I will ever really hear my own voice.
Yesterday, while listening, and allowing my father's voice to be heard, he could hear me. He could hear all the love and compassion in my heart. Isn't it funny how that is!?!
Friday, December 23, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Holidays
The Holidays must be here, Fynn is off with his dad, probably hitting the slopes a little later today.
With time on my hands, another home project has begun. I filled my mind and my day yesterday wil destruction and construction. As I warmed the heating pad for my sore back and lathered my dry hands with oils, I realized that the building of things is like a state of flow for me. It is like figuring out a sequence on a hard route. It is both physically and mentally engaging. It challenges me to stay focused and yet open to what is next.
This is not work, for me this is play. Kind of like building snow forts.
With time on my hands, another home project has begun. I filled my mind and my day yesterday wil destruction and construction. As I warmed the heating pad for my sore back and lathered my dry hands with oils, I realized that the building of things is like a state of flow for me. It is like figuring out a sequence on a hard route. It is both physically and mentally engaging. It challenges me to stay focused and yet open to what is next.
This is not work, for me this is play. Kind of like building snow forts.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Living Happiness
12 Things Happy People Do Differently
~by Jacob Sokol of Sensophy
Studies conducted by positivity psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky point to 12 things happy people do differently to increase their levels of happiness. These are things that we can start doing today to feel the effects of more happiness in our lives. (Check out her book The How of Happiness.)
1) Express gratitude. – Thank you Divine Universe for this beautiful child I get to raise, the co-workers I get to share the day with and my friends and family who surround me with love.
2) Cultivate optimism. – In this moment right now, I am healthy, breathing and full of vitality and so are the people I love.
3) Avoid over-thinking and social comparison. –God grant me the serenity to know the difference between what I can change and what I cannot.
4) Practice acts of kindness. – The greatest kindness I have to offer right now is the joy of knowing all the wonderful people in my life. Tell me if I can add to your life in any way.
5) Nurture social relationships. – This means, I will definitely be celebrating with friends this Friday night -- even if we need to leave a little early.
6) Develop strategies for coping. – my go to coping mechanism involves salt, self help books and perhaps some furniture making. I'll do my best to stick to the healthier ones this season.
7) Learn to forgive. – Rod said, "You don't forgive, you learn to love." I believe this and practice keeping my heart open.
8) Increase flow experiences - this is play. When time passes and you have no idea where it went.
9) Savour life’s joys. – I love the Xmas lights and the beautiful sunrises and sunsets lately.
10) Commit to your goals. – I am committed to being the best mom I can be. I am committed to embracing all of my life and staying curious and open. I am committed to serving the Divine however I can.
11) Practice spirituality. – I sit with Divine love daily.
12) Take care of your body. - Play. More play. I notice how great it feels to move, extend in asana!
How's your list!
~by Jacob Sokol of Sensophy
Studies conducted by positivity psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky point to 12 things happy people do differently to increase their levels of happiness. These are things that we can start doing today to feel the effects of more happiness in our lives. (Check out her book The How of Happiness.)
1) Express gratitude. – Thank you Divine Universe for this beautiful child I get to raise, the co-workers I get to share the day with and my friends and family who surround me with love.
2) Cultivate optimism. – In this moment right now, I am healthy, breathing and full of vitality and so are the people I love.
3) Avoid over-thinking and social comparison. –God grant me the serenity to know the difference between what I can change and what I cannot.
4) Practice acts of kindness. – The greatest kindness I have to offer right now is the joy of knowing all the wonderful people in my life. Tell me if I can add to your life in any way.
5) Nurture social relationships. – This means, I will definitely be celebrating with friends this Friday night -- even if we need to leave a little early.
6) Develop strategies for coping. – my go to coping mechanism involves salt, self help books and perhaps some furniture making. I'll do my best to stick to the healthier ones this season.
7) Learn to forgive. – Rod said, "You don't forgive, you learn to love." I believe this and practice keeping my heart open.
8) Increase flow experiences - this is play. When time passes and you have no idea where it went.
9) Savour life’s joys. – I love the Xmas lights and the beautiful sunrises and sunsets lately.
10) Commit to your goals. – I am committed to being the best mom I can be. I am committed to embracing all of my life and staying curious and open. I am committed to serving the Divine however I can.
11) Practice spirituality. – I sit with Divine love daily.
12) Take care of your body. - Play. More play. I notice how great it feels to move, extend in asana!
How's your list!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Lightening up in the darkness
One thing I know. In dark times, there needs to be light. Victor Frankl discovered this while surviving in a Nazi concentration camp. There must be a purpose to live for.
Rod suggests this purpose is my dharma. My light shines brightest when I climb mountains (confront challenges) and share my voice, my own way of thinking with the world. And to leave the rest to the Divine source.
For those I love I will share my love and my passion to find their own light for however long they may be able to shine it's light to the world. And I will understand the lesson for me is to not let myself live in silence and status quo, nor will I worry whether I am heard or believed.
Rod suggests this purpose is my dharma. My light shines brightest when I climb mountains (confront challenges) and share my voice, my own way of thinking with the world. And to leave the rest to the Divine source.
For those I love I will share my love and my passion to find their own light for however long they may be able to shine it's light to the world. And I will understand the lesson for me is to not let myself live in silence and status quo, nor will I worry whether I am heard or believed.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Layers of what I think I know...
Yesterday, I read the Huffington Post article by Rod Stryker, "The 6-Point Method for Breaking Unhealthy Habits." I have been working with this practice for 2 months. And I have to admit, not highly successfully.
Then this popped out, "It's important to know that giving it up is doable and that you're willing to give it up. Giving up a habit that is deeply engrained and has a powerful sway over you will give you maximum leverage if you succeed -- but if it's too hard, you may fail to give it up."
As I worked with the habit I had chosen so many weeks ago yesterday, I realized perhaps I did not fully believe I am able to give up the habit I had chosen. It is so deep-seated, having been well practiced for the majority of my life.
Feeling compassion for myself, I finally asked...'what do I need?'
The answer... 'I need to lighten up a little bit. The sense of failure is sending me into a downward spiral of despair.'
Then I asked, 'how can I help myself or who can I ask for help?'
The answer, 'change my expectations on this habit. Select something less intense OR change the habit to be worked with every morning, though perhaps not all day everyday.'
Starting today - round two. Wish me luck.
Then this popped out, "It's important to know that giving it up is doable and that you're willing to give it up. Giving up a habit that is deeply engrained and has a powerful sway over you will give you maximum leverage if you succeed -- but if it's too hard, you may fail to give it up."
As I worked with the habit I had chosen so many weeks ago yesterday, I realized perhaps I did not fully believe I am able to give up the habit I had chosen. It is so deep-seated, having been well practiced for the majority of my life.
Feeling compassion for myself, I finally asked...'what do I need?'
The answer... 'I need to lighten up a little bit. The sense of failure is sending me into a downward spiral of despair.'
Then I asked, 'how can I help myself or who can I ask for help?'
The answer, 'change my expectations on this habit. Select something less intense OR change the habit to be worked with every morning, though perhaps not all day everyday.'
Starting today - round two. Wish me luck.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Embracing all of it.
There has been a perfect storm of events and messages inspiring me lately; my mother's health, my nephew's shattered wrist, a book called Play, my ever busy schedule, my son's busy schedule, my practice and impatience, and of course, noticing my relationship to climbing and Yoga. And as I sit in the chaos of all of it, I recognized one fundamental thing... I am doing my life; I am not honouring my life.
I meditate, I set routes, I clean up the RC and make efforts to teach, do my administrative job, call for updates on my loved ones, attend family get togethers, do things with my child, coffee with my friends. And in all this effort, I keep my heart just a little bit hidden away. My mom's surgery has been the real straw. I am being strong and resilient, looking forward to the completion of the event and the getting through the recovery. Staying strong. And yet all the while the tears are right there on the edge of spilling over. The fear of more loss.
Kirpalu, on day one of Yoga for Fulfillment, Yogarupa said, "you have to change your relationship to your life." I felt his gaze in my direction and the hair stood up on the back of my neck and my stomach dropped. I wanted to hide. It has been weeks since then and when I sit in truth, I can see I have been wanting it to be something easier to change like a job, health for my loved ones, eating habits, cultivating a sense of gratitude and abundance, or having a new partner, or some new hobby, better income, or a new sankalpa or practice.
The truth is what needs change is this holding back; this arms length approach to living and embrace all of the heartache in my life, because only then will I also be able to embrace all of the joy.
I meditate, I set routes, I clean up the RC and make efforts to teach, do my administrative job, call for updates on my loved ones, attend family get togethers, do things with my child, coffee with my friends. And in all this effort, I keep my heart just a little bit hidden away. My mom's surgery has been the real straw. I am being strong and resilient, looking forward to the completion of the event and the getting through the recovery. Staying strong. And yet all the while the tears are right there on the edge of spilling over. The fear of more loss.
Kirpalu, on day one of Yoga for Fulfillment, Yogarupa said, "you have to change your relationship to your life." I felt his gaze in my direction and the hair stood up on the back of my neck and my stomach dropped. I wanted to hide. It has been weeks since then and when I sit in truth, I can see I have been wanting it to be something easier to change like a job, health for my loved ones, eating habits, cultivating a sense of gratitude and abundance, or having a new partner, or some new hobby, better income, or a new sankalpa or practice.
The truth is what needs change is this holding back; this arms length approach to living and embrace all of the heartache in my life, because only then will I also be able to embrace all of the joy.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
P L A Y
A beautiful Saturday morning and I am munching on my toast and sipping coffee. Experiencing guilt for not mindfully eating. Fynn is out so I am also indulging in the quiet and listening to one of my educational audiobooks. Brene Brown is talking about play. I am quite surprised as she says, "the opposite of play is depression." Play enables us to problem solve, innovate, be happy and smart.
I type in those four letters. It makes sense. Unless I am doing something productive - reading a book on spirituality, practicing, working or doing something for my son, I feel like I am not doing enough. And I always feel disheartened, perhaps depressed. Two friends confided the exact same thing to me last night. As one talked, I asked him what he dreams about doing. He said, "travel." I asked, "when are you going to travel, where?" He didn't answer. I pressed him. He didn't really have a plan, just an idea.
I reminisced on how we had dreams as we grew up; dreams for our careers, dreams for family dreams for homes. Not ideas, but full on dreams with feeling and pictures in our heads, not to mention the belief it would happen. Now I don't really have dreams, just ideas, no strong pictures. It's too crowded with doubt. I am so busy being productive, there is very little time for dreaming.
Maybe, just maybe, if I could stop my productivity conveyer belt, and play a little, I could once again open up to some dreams. Maybe if my Yoga practice wasn't about being a better version of me, but about joyful resting in myself, my heart would open and I could dream. You know, I do have an idea, maybe I will play it out with pictures and see what happens. What are you dreaming?
I type in those four letters. It makes sense. Unless I am doing something productive - reading a book on spirituality, practicing, working or doing something for my son, I feel like I am not doing enough. And I always feel disheartened, perhaps depressed. Two friends confided the exact same thing to me last night. As one talked, I asked him what he dreams about doing. He said, "travel." I asked, "when are you going to travel, where?" He didn't answer. I pressed him. He didn't really have a plan, just an idea.
I reminisced on how we had dreams as we grew up; dreams for our careers, dreams for family dreams for homes. Not ideas, but full on dreams with feeling and pictures in our heads, not to mention the belief it would happen. Now I don't really have dreams, just ideas, no strong pictures. It's too crowded with doubt. I am so busy being productive, there is very little time for dreaming.
Maybe, just maybe, if I could stop my productivity conveyer belt, and play a little, I could once again open up to some dreams. Maybe if my Yoga practice wasn't about being a better version of me, but about joyful resting in myself, my heart would open and I could dream. You know, I do have an idea, maybe I will play it out with pictures and see what happens. What are you dreaming?
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