Where do I go from here?

Yesterday I watched a TED talk about stress. The message was that it is actually the belief that stress is harmful that makes it harmful. In addition, the good news is that connecting and doing for others who are in stress actually helps the body process the physiological effects of stress, making us better at managing stress.

A lightbulb went off. I believe we like challenge; it keeps us feeling alive and full of purpose. When I consider the climbing community it is a fantastic example of how people put themselves into the position of challenge (there is usually an easier way to the top), then they have people around them supporting them and cheering them on, even when they fall. They share ideas on how to get through that difficult section and they try again. From the perspective of someone like my dad this is the most ridiculous way to spend your time. Why use all that energy trying to climb something you don't need to when you could be using that strength to cut down trees and haul the wood home to heat the house? The unnecessary challenge and the connection with others is what we call play - creating stress and creating connections to reduce the stress of the challenge. That's why.

Friday I stood watching lots of climbers do just that, stand around in a busy room of people and try to climb some walls. I saw people cheering others on and sharing ideas about how to climb a particular route. I used to be one of them and now I don't climb very often. I have spent a lot of time thinking about why. The simple answer is that it isn't that enjoyable for me now. But why don't I enjoy it as much. Friday that answer showed up... I don't feel that same connection as I go through the challenge. I used to climb with a steady partner, but that partnership ended. Now when the opportunity to climb arises, it is alone or with a large group of people, many of whom I am fairly certain disagree with the way I run a climbing gym. I don't feel that support from them and I don't want to try to earn it with them. So I hold back and I don't climb alone.

Next question; where do I go from here?