Sacrifice

Tonight I read, 'our energy follows our awareness.' This is a paraphrase from Living Tantra, a lecture series by Panditji Tiguait Rajamani.

I get it... When my awareness is on what is wrong, my energy becomes all about what is wrong and follows that wave of thinking. So to change it, I need to look for the joy and love around me and place my attention there. Seems simple enough. But I notice the habit of my mind wanting to return to the complaints. More over, I recognize that what my mind continually does in response to the negative thoughts is to defend me, my ego self. Funny, because really that means my awareness is always on what others think of me and making sure they approve. Hmmm, that's a bigger change then just looking at the good things around me.

Who am I if I am none of the roles or accomplishments? Can I believe I am worth loving, and my love has value if I have absolutely nothing else to offer?

Mother Teresa said, 'there are no great acts, only small acts of great love.' This must be what she means. Our value is inherent, our intention to love is what makes the act great. And really then, none of it can change ones inherent worthiness.

The great love a parent offers a child, willing to sacrifice time, money, and ones own identity in many ways is an amazing taste of this. The countless hockey games, practices, the lunches, the snacks, the homework, the laundry... Just things parents do. You become a parent and you realize how much effort it takes, how much time it consumes and how it just doesn't seem to end. There's no, 'I sent my project' moment. I've climbed full time and being a parent is definitely harder. I'ld say it's more like running a gym or cleaning new routes at a crag.

And yet any act with great love is special. That's the key. The great love part. It's important if that energy following awareness is energy of great love or not.