The late afternoon rays of sun emanate light in an endless blue sky. I stared into the sky with wonder at the vast expanse and changing light of the red rocks surrounding me.
'How do I make every moment like this one, so peaceful and content; alone and yet not feeling alone?' I wondered.
As if my thoughts were carried on the air, a gentle breeze touched my skin and I knew. It is not about getting somewhere, it is the being where you are that gives this feeling. Being where you are with utter pleasure and happiness to just be there. Not running from this moment into the next. Not looking for something different.
'Why didn't I get this before?' I was too busy running into the future I wanted.
It is 16 years later and this memory echos in my mind. The vibration shaking me awake. Slow down. No, things don't need to be slower. I just need to be present in this moment, not looking for the next joy, outcome, goal...
How do I create the life I desire and not look forward to it at the same time. How do I discipline my thoughts to stay present and keep my heart open to my desires?
When I had projects, I would learn the moves, figuring out what my body had to do to stay in balance and move up the rock. Whatever worked, sometimes even what initially did not seem to make sense, in the end was the key to balance. The day I knew I was ready to complete the project, I would sit at the base and say, 'Today I will try 10 times, then I am going to get you to take weight for me and do another 10 tries. I can always come back next Monday.'
In this process, I very consciously let the weight of completing the project go. I would release my expectations for success. I became focused on the moves, positive as the process unfolded. I tried hard. I had faith that one day it would happen.
Today I will let go of the weight of my desires, I will let go of the weight of my past disappointments, knowing that those events are a part of the process that had to happen to place me here. I will know this is where I need to be now. If I fail today, I can always try again tomorrow. I will faithfully believe in myself even if who I become is not what I expect.
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