Modifications of the mind

I awake and consider getting up. It's early. I decide to do yoga nidra. As I settle into the practice, following the directions methodically, my mind begins to settle. The instructions allow for silence and moments of resting in silence. My mind begins to think... I am back in the dream, what does it mean? Why would I be dreaming about plane crashes? How did it make me feel?

The instructions start again and my mind races back to attention, ever wanting to be the good student. This pattern happens over and over again, in one moment being with the practice and in the next, off in the land of thinking. This is mind following Prana, or mind following my energy and when all of my energy is back in a memory of a dream or planning the day ahead, it is not here in the present. 

There are so many enticements for the mind to draw it away and yet, as the wonderful teacher Byron Katie points out, you are really only ever physically right here in this moment... Woman sitting, typing. I cannot effectively change the past, nor change the events of the future until the future comes, so why is my mind already there?

Asana practice, meditation, pranayama, these are the practices that bring the mind back to the present; practices that cultivates more waking presence with the energy in the present, within yourself. When that energy is collected and contained within, you become more powerful, more patient, more joyful, free.

Practice, practice, practice. 

Science and Perception

For the past couple of days, I have been harbouring some pretty unloving thoughts. Taking my responsibility as a Yogi seriously, I have been observing these thoughts... when they show up, what seems to be the trigger and why. Not the obvious why, but the deep seated why. The why that stems from there being something within myself that is rejecting this experience and trying to figure out what that is.
Well this practice is called vichara. It is as quoted from Plato, "the unexamined life is not worth living." The why in my case is not really about the things others do that upset me, no, the why in my case is what I am not doing for myself. The dishonesty with which I am living. I am a Yoga teacher and yet if you saw my schedule these days, you would very clearly note that 'self care' is not really given much floor time. You would see from my nutritional choices that self care isn't showing up there either. In addition, you could note that I am actually adding my type A style exercise to the mix to really burn myself up. With my son now living away from me, I am also not getting my regular dose of hugs. This is probably the hardest part of transitioning to this new lifestyle.

The dishonesty is not living in the way I know will allow me to be the best of myself. The symptoms; I have trouble getting to sleep, trouble getting up - oh I wake on time, I just don't want to get out of bed. The foods I crave, and then the food I choose. My approach to being in nature... which is actually more an attitude of "I am going to rock my time on this run if everyone would just get out of my way."

So now that it is pretty clear I am taking myself out of balance, I have some choices to make. Do I just work with contentment... finding a way to be content with being out of balance? Or do I need to make some changes. Clearly, in my case it's some changes. This is where Ayurveda comes in... the sister science to Yoga. I can select foods that will bring down my Pitta fire. I can choose self care that settles my ungrounded nature and improves my sleep. I can select a more cooling approach to work and to exercise. I can spend time in nature, not rushing through it, but nestled in the rich colours of her splendour.

Everything we do brings closer to balance or further away. The way we see the world is merely a reflection of how close to balance we are.

Rejuvenation

According to wikipedia, "Aging is an accumulation of damage to macromolecules, cells, tissues and organs. If any of that damage can be repaired, the result is rejuvenation." To live the best version of our Self possible there are many simple things that you can do to repair the damage in our body. Your body has it's own history, it's own nature. Learning to connect with your body, to take care of your body and live from a place of appreciation are keys to living the best version of you that you can be.

Join me in celebrating a more youthful you.

Becoming Your Best

"Negative thoughts and emotions are enormous drains on energy. Only by releasing those egoistic self-absorptions and attachments to success are we ever truly free to give 100 percent of ourselves, which is what every Big Project demands." Chris Sharma

Seven years ago my marriage was ending. I had a lot of negative thoughts. About my ex-husband, about myself, about my future. My dream was crushed.

It was very painful.

Except when I practiced Yoga. For some reason, on the mat, the mind became steady. My attention was no longer on my loss and grief, rather it settled in my heart and I felt lightness, joy, freedom from these burdensome thoughts. That was what made me choose to do a Yoga teacher training. I sought freedom. I wanted to understand how to have more of these moments. I caught glimpses of light in a world that everyone agreed was dark. I didn't need to teach. I needed to bring more light into my own life.

Last week I left my 13 year old son at a boarding school. I recognize this could be a time where I feel great loss. Many people have been sending me loving supportive thoughts. My little boy is now a young man. He is independent. My role as mother has changed, just as my role with my ex husband changed seven years ago. With seven years of practice, four years of daily meditation, I see light even in the moment of saying good bye. My heart is not heavy with sadness.

Advanced Yoga study was a very worthy investment in myself. An investment I continue to make.

When will you start?

Things your mother wants to hear.

Less than 24 hours ago, I left my son at his new school approximately 1254 kilometers from home. Needless to say I won't be seeing him for a few weeks. We've had these times apart over the many years of his life, but this seems somehow a little more distant. Perhaps that is because this time he is on the verge of real independence. At any rate, when we have done this in the past, I have gotten texts that consisted of, 'I'm ok.' Needless to say, I was hoping for something a little more. So the following is a list of questions children (even the older ones) could answer when they send mom a text. 

I had a __________ day.

I spent time hanging out with __________.

I did really well on my assignment about ___________.

I realized ______________.

I was just thinking about you mom.

I plan to __________.

My favorite new _________ is _________.

Today's practice went _________.

I miss __________.

Thanks for __________.

If all else fails, I even like 'I'm ok.' Please share your ideas too!

No Ordinary Moments

There are No Ordinary Moments

In this moment there is breath.
In this moment there is light, even in the dark.
In this moment there is joy, even in the sadness.
In this moment there is love, even in the anger, grief and jealousy.
In this moment there is only what you choose to see.

The Winds of Change

This week life feels hard.
My son is preparing to go away to school. I thought I had more time, at least 2 years before this would happen. I am going through the motions of getting things done and in all the doing, I am avoiding the feelings. I am taking on even more, not choosing to rest and take time for me. At least not yet. This is the way I cope. The unhealthy way I cope. I get stuff done.

It is in these moments, when life feels hard and we don't want to feel the feelings, that it is harder to practice. Harder to stay disciplined. Harder to see the point. Unless I choose not to practice and then it all seems to be so much harder and feel so much less capable of handling it.

So I keep one thing consistent. I practice every day. Good days, bad days. The practice gives me strength. It gives me light. It gives me a sense of steadiness in chaos.

Practice.